Leonardo DiCaprio has spoken out on behalf of the planet again, this time by posting a question on Yahoo! Answers. The mega star asks what simple steps people can take to fight global warming. Studies have consistently shown that DiCaprio could make progress on the issue himself by somehow reducing the negative climatory effects of millions of teenage girls who he continues to make feel not only hot, but bothered.

Apparently, the price is right for elephant housing. In an extremely touching story, Bob Barker, television legend and noted animal rights activist, stepped forward and donated $300,000 to move an African elephant named Ruby from the Los Angeles Zoo to an animal sanctuary in Northern California. Barker and several others have complained that the zoo is an unnatural atmosphere for Ruby where she does not receive proper socialization for an elephant of her age and is viewed as a source of entertainment every day. Many people expect to be similarly inspired when the game show host escapes from the stale air of a television studio and retires in June.

Al Gore is throwing a party on Saturday and he'd like anybody and everybody to attend. With the help of Moveon.org, Gore and company have motivated thousands of like-minded individuals to connect at open-to-all screening parties of his smash hit global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth. On a related note, millions of single environmentalists across the country have announced that this Saturday they may, finally, bathe.

Many Americans have long felt Jacques Chirac an unlikely person to save the world, but the French President invited TV star, outspoken environmental activist, and possible 2007 candidate Nicolas Hurot to help organize an international meeting to combat global warming. Charges that climate change is partially a result of fumes related to stinky cheeses have been dismissed by Hurot and Chirac as "stupeeed."

Famed sci-fi novelist Michael Crichton has taken revenge against a reporter who wrote a negative review of the author's global warming denial book, in a manner that some say is childish—in Crichton's newest novel, he named an evil, not-well-endowed, child molester after the reviewer. Rumors that Crichton describes the character as "a big meanie dumbheaded poopypants" appear to be unsubstantiated.