I gave her a chance, I honestly did. From what I hear, she’s actually a very nice person, down-to-earth, no attitude. Fun to hang out with.

So it makes me feel bad to say this, but I tried to watch Rachel Ray’s “Holiday Entertaining in 60” special on the Food Network the other night, and I found her almost unwatchable. The “Rachel Ray Sucks” community shares my sentiments, evidently.

Her voice is like 80 grit sandpaper—medium coarse, just husky enough to be slightly grating. Then there’s the hyper gesticulating, like a wind-up toy on Red Bull. And her perkiness is downright oppressive; a friend of mine even finds her breasts annoyingly perky, and that’s coming from a straight man.