Because apparently non-Western medicinal and spiritual practices just aren’t trivialized and mocked enough, Paramount Pictures has given the green light to comedian Mike Meyers on a movie in which he’ll play an off-the-wall Indian spiritualist who goes by the name of "Guru Pitka" and focuses on meditation and chakra alignment. The character was originally introduced in a draft of the script for the second Austin Powers movie, but was dropped somewhere along the way. The good news? Maybe your coworkers will finally stop shouting, "Yeah, Baby! Shagariffic!" The bad news? Brace yourself for a world in which Apu’s accent sounds credible.

Gwyneth Paltrow is scheduled to teach what is probably the most expensive yoga lesson ever taught. In an auction for Prince Charles’ charity, a fan paid $50,000.00 (no, we didn’t add three extra zeros…) for a private session with Gwyneth. "Someone has spent a great deal of money on it so I’m going to have to really come up with an excellent plan. Unfortunately, I can’t do it in the nude or anything to make it really exceptional…" Paltrow said. She went on to assure the bidder that she would do everything within her power to not make the lesson any more awkward than she just did.

American lobbyist Chris Horner is trying to convince major European companies to join a campaign against the Kyoto Protocol and any future such strategies to curb emissions of heat-trapping gases—but he’s not making