Homo, homo on the range, where the queer and androgynous play…

No, I’m not referring to “Brokeback Mountain [1],” I’m talking about Ted Allen [2], the man who mans the stove on Bravo’s “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.” Allen’s come out with his first cookbook, “The Food You Want to Eat: 100 Smart, Simple Recipes [3].”

Don’t let the Sea Breezy tone and dorky photos put you off; this is a great cookbook for greenhorn gourmets of all persuasions. Yes, the recipes really are smart and simple, but they’re sophisticated, too, and the emphasis is on flexibility: an easy but elegant Asian-flavored grilled pork tenderloin becomes “vaguely Mexican” and slightly more ambitious when you stuff it with poblano chiles and goat cheese; good ol’ pigs in a blanket get dressed up and go Cajun when Allen takes andouille sausage and wraps it in frozen puff pastry.

Allen’s a kind of culinary camp counselor, cheering you on and sharing helpful tips on everything from how to buy fresh fish and great greens to why eating organic [3] matters and pasta is best cooked “al dente.” He demystifies the art of making a good vinaigrette (it’s all about the ratios) so that you’ll never have to buy another “depressing” and “awful” bottled salad dressing again.

Most cookbook authors just assume everyone already knows this stuff, but Allen manages to provide a wealth of basic information without making the book so remedial that more seasoned cooks can’t enjoy it, too. I’m eyeing the roasted butternut squash pie recipe myself, and the warm spinach salad with bacon and figs (think I can get away with substituting turkey bacon?)

Whether you’re an unrepentant red meat eater or a mesclun loving metrosexual, if you need some handholding in the kitchen, Ted Allen’s your man.