Two new Hummer [0] TV commercials [0] have a clear message: Forget about being decent. Let a Hummer unleash your over-indulgent, spiteful tendencies.

At least, that's my admittedly biased take. One ad, which is geared towards men, is titled "Tofu." (To see both ads, click here [1], then go to Hummer World - TV Commercials.) It features a guy at the grocery checkout, buying tofu [1] and vegetables. The guy next to him is buying ribs, red meat [1], beer, etc.

Seeing this apparently triggers some sort of internal crisis in the tofu guy and he trades in his car for a Hummer. A caption comes up: RESTORE THE BALANCE. He happily munches on a carrot, a gesture that counter-balances the purchase of a new Hummer.

The other, aimed at women, is called "Slide" and shows us a friendly mother who's at the playground [1] with her daughter. Her kid wants to climb on the slide, but a rude mom cuts in front of her and says, "Too bad."

The friendly woman is shocked, gets mad and buys herself a Hummer. The caption comes up: GET YOUR GIRL ON. There's a fat-cat expression on her face when she's behind the wheel, quite possibly because she just mowed down the rude mommy.

Their pitch, it seems, is if eating healthfully makes you feel too virtuous, a Hummer will remind you of how destructive you can be. If tolerating random acts of rudeness makes you feel too nice, Hummer reminds you that you're not all that tolerant after all.

I guess buying a Hummer is our chance to get even by... driving a pointlessly large vehicle? Spending $70 to fill a gas tank? Causing the ice caps to melt faster? Showing the playground bullies and guys who buy steak?

Or maybe the subtext is more like this: Other people don't eat right. Other people don't care about the environment. Other people don't worry about courtesy. You can be like them if you buy a Hummer!

All of a sudden, I have a strange urge to go buy some tofu.