Because apparently non-Western medicinal and spiritual practices just aren’t trivialized and mocked enough, Paramount Pictures has given the green light [1] to comedian Mike Meyers on a movie in which he’ll play an off-the-wall Indian spiritualist who goes by the name of "Guru Pitka" and focuses on meditation and chakra alignment. The character was originally introduced in a draft of the script for the second Austin Powers movie, but was dropped somewhere along the way. The good news? Maybe your coworkers will finally stop shouting, "Yeah, Baby! Shagariffic!" The bad news? Brace yourself for a world in which Apu’s accent sounds credible.

Darryl Hannah, accomplished actor and now environmental video blogger [2], is hosting a new documentary television series called Sierra Club Chronicles. [3] The series is focused on "capturing David vs. Goliath stories" that revolve around the environment. It’s not known whether the Kill Bill star will be able to incorporate intense martial arts [3] sequences involving deadly snakes into either of her new ventures, but here’s to hoping.

James Blunt, The Fray, Brandi Carlile, The Alternate Routes, and Los Lonely Boys played an outdoor concert in Boston over the weekend at Earthfest [4], a celebration of the planet that was partially sponsored by LIME. More than 100,000 people attended in a display of widespread green ideals and environmental sanity. In a shocking turn of events, the hunky, newly-bearded James Blunt lost out to Denver’s The Fray, for "Act Receiving Most Heated Screams From Teenage Girls." Apparently, in the battle of rockstar appeal, a British accent’s got nothing on smooth cheeks.

Susan Sarandon was spotted yesterday [5] at the macrobiotic food restaurant Souen in lower Manhattan. While many movie stars have moved on to even fancier hoity-toity diets, it seems that Sarandon is sticking to the good old holistic standby. Good for her. She may have been something of a feminist, but we always knew Louise [6] was a little bit old-fashioned.

Lee Raymond, CEO of Exxon Mobil, also known as "The Darth Vader of Global Warming [6]" is headed toward retirement [7]. Much to the dismay of environmentalists everywhere, Exxon Mobil has offered him a ridiculous package that includes $400 million dollars. Raymond hasn’t announced what specifically he’ll use the money for, but expert analysts predict that the seal-clubbing business, the rubber burning industry, and the People for the Promotion of Evil Society will all see an increase in profits in 2007.