Ah, the diplomacy of dining. In an era when we're alienating our allies left and right, I was pleased to learn that the White House chef does, at least, cater to the culinary preferences of foreign dignitaries. After all, it's not too much to ask the staff to prepare a vegetarian [0] entree for the Prime Minister of India and his entourage, is it?
Letitia Baldridge, aka Miss Manners, thinks it is [1]. “The White House kitchen cannot be a bunch of short order cooks for everybody who comes,” the etiquette expert told a reporter recently. She characterized guests who make special requests as spoiled and self-centered.
“I have never been in a restaurant or a home where vegetarians couldn't make a good meal on the vegetables and other dishes served at a meat-entrée dinner…when my vegetarian friends receive personal dinner invitations, they make do with what is served them, and wouldn't dream of upsetting the kitchen with special requests.”
Those who entertain on a grand scale presumably have a staff equipped to accomodate the culinary whims of guests. But what about more modest gatherings thrown by the hoi poloi?
My response when someone asks me to dinner is to simply say “yes,” because I have no food allergies, am not a vegetarian, and I think it's a compliment to be invited for a meal. On the other hand, when it's our turn to host, we do try to find out what our guests prefer to eat, because my primary concern is to make my guests happy, from the carb-o-phobes to the shunners of shellfish.
Our friend Liz, an unapologetic meat-eater who shares Matt's fondness for all kinds of offal [2], gave a dinner party recently for a crew of non-carnivorous friends. She settled on a fishy compromise by serving salmon. Everyone ate it, and a fine time was had by all.
If you're only having a few friends over for dinner, do you poll them about their dietary preferences? When you receive an invite, do you feel compelled to notify your prospective host that you “don't do dairy?” Is it rude to request decaf at the end of a meal, if it's not offered?