Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, patron saints of the environment [0], the displaced [1], the orphaned [2], and (one assumes) the sexually [3] frustrated [4], recently threw a birthday bash [5] for their son Maddox. The party reportedy featured a game of capture the flag, adventures on a slip and slide, and an all-terrain vehicle trek. Environmentalist were stunned to learn that the exemplary couple encouraged their children to cruise around on such a controversial mini-automobile [6], but those who know of the couple's good will and accomplishments assume Pitt and Jolie have already developed a way to undo the harm of ATVs, and will be releasing their findings to the EPA at a later date.

Greenpeace USA and the Forest Stewardship Council have teamed up [6] to form the Musicwood campaign [7], a project dedicated to ensuring that musical instruments are made only from sustainably harvested wood. Chris Martin, CEO of Martin Guitars, and supplier to Sting, Paul Simon, John Mayer, and Jimmy Buffet, is especially dedicated to the effort. Rumors that Jay Z is considering a switch to a beatbox made entirely from organic [7] bamboo could not be confirmed.

It's been reported [8] that New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who prides himself on taking public transportation and has developed substantial plans to ensure an environmentally sustainable future for New York, enjoys a 20 block ride every day in a large, indulgent SUV. Noting this is not the first "green" politician who loves destructive cars [8], analysts finally understand the basis of the Mayor's friendship [9] with The Governator.

The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences [10] has refused to allow nominess such as Sir Ian McKellen, Eli Wallach, Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Carell to walk down a green carpet at the Emmys this year, insisting instead the traditional red carpet be used [11]. Industry insiders speculate the organization is worried the general populace will assume that the green carpet wouldn't represent its interest in the environment, but its envy for the Oscars.

This week a popular celeb site implied [12] Darryl Hannah and Richard Branson are more concerned with their respective public images than they are about the planet's well-being. Because nothing calls your seriousness into question like spending billions of dollars [12] or being wrestled out of a tree by the police [12].