I would love to read that article.  It seems that my husband and I still disagree about the same things we did when we were dating.  We just laugh about it now.  I do think that you may be able to communicate better, but I believe that experssion, "zebras don't change their stripes".

No I have not tried to change anyone, because quite frankly I'm not experienced in this area (relationships). But I do have a lot of friends who dedicate themselves to changing their significant others.

But I always wondered why people go into relationships trying to change the other, it really makes no sense. Even altering some aspects of them would be a lot for me. I mean I do that with clothes, I go to the store and I find a great skirt but..... I don't like the embroidery well, I still take it and I can always alter it at home.

But then again a skirt doesn't have feelings or a say in it. Maybe I watch too many romantic flicks, and I don't think I'm looking for the perfect person but it'd be nice to find someone that I fall for enough that I can love his flaws, even things I thought I would never approve of, not now but in few more years when I'm ready.

But back to the question, have I tried this? No.

Do I think it works? Maybe, but not likely.

You are a romantic.  I still love my husband after 13 years of marriage, but he definitely has some habits that annoy me and I'm sure that goes for him to.  You have to know that if something bothers you before you are married, it is going to bother you even more afterwards. Flaws are cute at first, but keep your eyes open. Love oevershadows a lot and sometimes that is good.

....it works, to some extent. My husband even notices that I do it and he actually appreciates it because it makes our conversations less volitile. He has a habit of "reacting" when something is said (usually by me) that can rub him the wrong way if that's how he takes it. It isn't meant to be hurtful but the way he takes it makes it seem hurtful. So I learned to say things, of that nature (wish I could give you an example but I can't think of one right now) with a light tone or silly voice. He knows that I am talking this way to keep him from reacting and it works.

We have done the therapy gig and it made a big difference in how we communicate, everyone should go to couples counseling. My husband tries to work on his reactionary style but he's been this way for 40 years probably not going to change any time soon (he does try, I'll give him credit for that!) I do what I can to change how he acts, I don't try to change him, that wouldn't work.

With some professional guidance I think we can work with our SO's flaws and help them work on overcoming them. Not necessarily change the person but help them change their unhealthy behaviors.

I like that analogy about changing unhealthy behaviors.  We were attracted to our partner at one point and obviously loved certain qualitites about them.  I think the trick is keeping the initial things that brought us together alive. Life has a funny way of intering with our best plans and we really need to remember the good qualities that first attracted us.

I think that realizing that a relationship isn't always easy going and that problems or misunderstandings are inevitable is something that constitutes a good partner. It's important to understand that, and balance it, like ecobabe mentioned, trying to help our partners better themselves by getting rid of habits that are unhealthy is OK, however changing or trying to change someone else just isn't healthy.

I agree!

Getting a person to change is not always easy. In fact unscrambling an egg would be easier at times. I know about change. My first love came from a very different family than mine. Mine was very reserved, and show little affection. Mom and Dad love me deeply, they were never very touching or hugging. Terri's family was 180 from that. The first years they all work on me to get me more expressive. When she died she left me with that change in my life and it help to raise the boys. My best friend and companion from childhood also help me to change some of my life habits. He help me to see what shows on the surface of people is not always what is deep in side. He also helped me learn how to express myself with out hurting others. He was my  companion for 38 years and then he died. Now I have a new love in my life after 11 years and I am now working to help them to change. They want to change and I am 180 from their family.  The biggest problem we have is…. "You and this Green thing and Vegan and all this tree hugging and hippie stuff!" But! Quite and slow change and they will never know it is happening. Learning their moods and body language and know when to approach something is important. I have also found that showing what making changes has improved one's own life also helps. For example, I was over weight and taking 12 different medications. I am now 73 pounds lighter and taking only vitamins. To make life changes in yourself or getting others to change is a very slow process and will always affect other areas of yours and your partners life. My favorite quote is…. " The only regret in life are the risk you do not take!"     

It sounds like you have made remarkable strides in your life and should be really proud of what you have accomplished.  Change is not always a bad thing.... Life doesn't stay stagnant and we shouldn't either.  The real work is when one person changes and the other does not.  When my  husband and I took our vows over close to 13 years ago, we promised to encourage each others growth.  That has proven to be a challenge now and then, but we understand that we are  individuals and our needs  must grow.  Keep up the good work and I hope your companion sees the good in being green.

There is definately a connection between the delivery & the pitch...We're putting a lot of LoVE in everyone's heart here in New Orleans... www.cafepress.com/lovenola

Proud father & husband...IN LOVE...with a Jersey Girl...

Living in Jersery now, you are definitely a lucky guy!!  It is all is the delivery-I agree.