Saturday July 26th, 2008
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Should You Cater to Your Company?
Posted by Kerry Trueman on January 27, 2006 - 3:35pm.
Ah, the diplomacy of dining. In an era when we're alienating our allies left and right, I was pleased to learn that the White House chef does, at least, cater to the culinary preferences of foreign dignitaries. After all, it's not too much to ask the staff to prepare a vegetarian entree for the Prime Minister of India and his entourage, is it?
Letitia Baldridge, aka Miss Manners, thinks it is. “The White House kitchen cannot be a bunch of short order cooks for everybody who comes,” the etiquette expert told a reporter recently. She characterized guests who make special requests as spoiled and self-centered.
“I have never been in a restaurant or a home where vegetarians couldn't make a good meal on the vegetables and other dishes served at a meat-entrée dinner…when my vegetarian friends receive personal dinner invitations, they make do with what is served them, and wouldn't dream of upsetting the kitchen with special requests.”
Those who entertain on a grand scale presumably have a staff equipped to accomodate the culinary whims of guests. But what about more modest gatherings thrown by the hoi poloi?
My response when someone asks me to dinner is to simply say “yes,” because I have no food allergies, am not a vegetarian, and I think it's a compliment to be invited for a meal. On the other hand, when it's our turn to host, we do try to find out what our guests prefer to eat, because my primary concern is to make my guests happy, from the carb-o-phobes to the shunners of shellfish.
Our friend Liz, an unapologetic meat-eater who shares Matt's fondness for all kinds of offal, gave a dinner party recently for a crew of non-carnivorous friends. She settled on a fishy compromise by serving salmon. Everyone ate it, and a fine time was had by all.
If you're only having a few friends over for dinner, do you poll them about their dietary preferences? When you receive an invite, do you feel compelled to notify your prospective host that you “don't do dairy?” Is it rude to request decaf at the end of a meal, if it's not offered?
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I do ask people if there’s anything they don’t eat when I invite them to dinner. Part of why I like to cook has to do with thinking about the people I am cooking for. But at the dinner you mention, even the vegetarian-activist guest mentioned she would eat meat rather than be impolite to a host.
Your vegetarian friends, like mine, are clearly well-mannered, considerate guests.
Miss Manners seems to require consideration from her guests without the need to reply in kind. It is one thing to inconvenience a host who is making a special effort to entertain a number of friends. Is it too much to ask a professional kitchen, designed to feed perhaps hundreds at a time, to make a small adjustment to the lifestyle of an invited guest. No one was asking that an entire menu be changed.
I’m vegetarian, but fairly flexible, and I completely eschew prosyletizing. But I think Letitia Baldrige is misguided. If accommodating Jewish or Muslim dietary restrictions is reasonable, than accommodating Hindu, Buddhist, or ethical vegetarian needs is equally so.
Of course I don’t expect that every idiosyncracy should be accommodated, but there is a dynamic between a host and a guest, and they both ought to be civil and flexible. When I’ve hosted dinner parties, I always ask ahead of time if anyone has serious allergies or other restrcitions, and I can almost always come up with something.
In most cases, accommodating real allergies, religious or ethical restrictions isn’t terribly complicated for reasonably talented cooks, and sometimes leads to some creative solutions that satisfy nearly everyone. It is usually adequate to have one or two alternatives that work for several people with special requirements.
When I expected some Muslim guests, I replaced the wine I was planning to use in some dishes with verjuice; when I’ve had people with serious allergies, I’ve eiter written labels with ingredient warnings or verbally advised guests about things they needed to know about. I even managed to create some vegetarian dishes suitable for someone on an Atkins diet, which is one of the most irritating “dietary restriction” I can think of.
I don’t think guests should call in advance announcing that they cannot be served cucumbers or onions or other laundry lists of disliked ingredients, but accommodating vegetarian, lay kosher, and basic Muslim dietary needs is not terribly burdensome; often enough, the solution is the same for all three groups, anyway.
On the other hand, I simply decline when invited to go to a most meat-centric restaurants, or make do with token vegetable options when attendance is obligatory.