Back in the forties, William Sheldon, an American psychologist, developed a theory called somatotypes, which claims that we're born with a particular body type: ectomorph, mesomorph, or endomorph.

I'd like to put forward my own theory of potatotypes, which maintains that our eating habits play a significant role in shaping our bodies.

What potatotype are you?

If you order fries with everything, you're probably a rotunduh.

Is your motto "make mine mashed?" Chances are you're a happy medium.

Does the mere sight of a potato on your plate, regardless of how it's prepared, fill you with fear and loathing? You might be a skelebrity.

There are two kinds of rotunduhs: remorseful and recalcitrant. Remorseful rotunduhs feel bad about being overweight. Recalcitrant rotunduhs are in denial. Pooh, for example, is proudly pudgy, making him a doubly unfit role model.

If you know any remorseful rotunduhs, encourage them to make the small changes that add up to big weight loss over time: choosing healthier snacks, eating more produce and fewer processed foods, getting more exercise.

Recalcitrant rotunduhs require more careful handling. They want to eat what they want to eat, and they think it ain't nobody's business but their own. This frustrates their loved ones, because being overweight doesn't just put you at greater risk for heart disease, diabetes and other obesity-related illnesses, it also aggravates chronic baby boomer complaints such as bad backs and achy knees.

Are you a rotundah who wants to reform? Focus on gaining good health, rather than losing weight. When you make smarter food choices and increase your physical activity, the weight will come off, anyway. More importantly, you'll feel healthier, and happier.

Happy mediums come in many shapes and sizes, from naturally skinny to pleasantly plump. What unites them is their rational approach to food and a recognition that being fit is just as important as eating right. If you carry a few extra pounds but get some form of aerobic exercise regularly, you're probably in better shape than someone who's skinny but sedentary.

Skelebrities are, of course, famously thin and chronically underfed. They live in a near-constant state of starvation, and try to distract themselves from their deprivation by shopping for clothes to hang on their size 0 frames. They are to be pitied, not envied.