Ever heard of a swanky steakhouse in D.C. called Signatures? It used to be the kind of place where fine wines and filet mignon were served free of charge to politicians who repaid the favor with, well, political favors.

Jack Abramoff, the larger-than-life lobbyist with a gift for graft, opened Signatures in February of 2002, offering “liberal portions in a conservative setting.” Signatures' menu included a $74 steak and a $140 tasting menu, but it's the quid pro quo cuisine Abramoff routinely served his fat cat friends that has a federal grand jury investigating the restaurant, along with Abramoff's other dubious dealings.

Here's the recipe for the stew that Abramoff and, by association, about half of Capitol Hill, is in:

Start with a base of bribery, throw in some money laundering and other forms of fraud, and, for extra spice, add an apparent mob hit. Simmer till federal prosecutors are ready to serve. Yield? According to the beltway bobbleheads, one of the biggest political scandals in the history of our country.

No wonder Signatures is holding a contest to come up with a new name. Suggestions so far include “Jack in the Box” and “The Pork Barrel.”

Meanwhile, the following item appeared in last Friday's Wall Street Journal:

“DOWNSIZING: Two years ago, House Resources Chairman Pombo of California and his staff were treated to an expensive holiday party at Jack Abramoff’s Signatures restaurant. This year, the committee holds a potluck holiday party in a hearing room on Capitol Hill.”

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. But they haven't hit rock bottom, yet; next season's holiday bash might have to be held in the Big House. Makes me think of that scene in “It's A Wonderful Life,” where Lionel Barrymore bellowed to Jimmy Stewart, “Merry Christmas to you—IN JAIL!”

But it's hard to imagine a Capra-esque ending for Abramoff's capers. Abramoff has till tomorrow to decide whether he wants to cop a plea or stand trial on fraud charges in Florida, and that's just the tip of this Titanic-sized iceberg. If Abramoff decides to sing, a lot of pols will get their wings…clipped.

Signatures took its name from the signed historic documents that lined the restaurant's walls, including a copy of Nixon's pardon. Maybe they should rename the place “Indictments,” and serve ham sandwiches.