TIME magazine named Leonardo DiCaprio as one of the most influential people in the world this week. Martin Scorsese, who wrote the item on DiCaprio, praises the way the movie star uses his fame to "raise awareness... of the environmental perils facing our planet." Of course, if DiCaprio was truly one of the most influential people in the world, eco-friendliness would be "in" and Scorsese would have finally won an Oscar. Oh... wait....

Pop star John Mayer recently took up open advocacy on his blog for a "light green approach" to saving the planet. Mayer says he'd like to add a third side to the discussion about global warming, "A side that drives an SUV on the way to the grocery store, but then produces nylon mesh bags at the checkout line." Because even if polar bears are boiling alive and children are choking on smog, at least we'll have resolved that plastic bag issue.

Kate Middleton reportedly told coworker Philip Higgs (not that one) that Prince Charles was responsible for her break-up with Prince William. Middleton didn't specify what Prince Charles did that drove the young lovers apart, but it seems likely that she just couldn't stand to hear one more request that she refer to him as "The Green Prince."

Kathy Griffin, like most Americans, could really use a smaller car. The comedian recently bit the dust after falling out of an enormous vehicle. In Griffin's defense, if she went around in something less tank-like, her obnoxious voice would shatter the vehicle's frame.

Science-fiction legend Ray Bradbury has spoken out again about the need for major changes to the Los Angeles transportation system, emphasizing the need for a monorail that spans nearly the entire city. "That's the future of L.A.!" Bradbury claimed. Unfortunately, experts say that Bradbury's future in Fahrenheit 451 looks much more probable.