Change stinks. When I was younger, I used to convince myself that I loved change. That I was flexible and a "go with the flow" kind of guy. Well, now I am 40. Those days are over. 

I don't like to change. I love patterns, habits, routines, and all the consistencies that make life predictable. Knowing what is going to happen is comforting, like a cozy blanket and a warm cup of tea on a beautiful brisk morning. Hmmm... 

CONTROL!

That is what it all boils down to, plain and simple. John-Roger says in his book Spiritual Warrior (also a movie by the way), that control is the master addiction. Well, if that is the case, then "Hi, my name is Doug and I am a control-aholic." 

Why so?

Lets draw on human developmental theory for one perspective. We form a structural lens through which we interact with the world. I sometimes call it a bubble we walk around inside. We don't even know we are inside this bubble, in the same way a fish doesn't realize it is in water because it doesn't know any differently. It just takes it for granted as the "Way Things Are." Or as I like to also call it, "A Way of Being."  I made a low tech YouTube video on this topic. 

So, the structural lens forms the way we interact with the world. It is a set structure that over time becomes rigid. It is a structure that keeps us consistent in our patterns of doing, seeing, thinking, evaluating, checking, etc. 

Lets take a moment to be incredibly grateful to our structural lens. With an honoring bow, acknowledge the power of benefits this structure provides. We don't have to figure everything out every day when we enter the world. Can you imagine what life would be like if you had to re-learn how to use the computer every time you sat down in front of it. Nothing would get done. 

We really can count on things and our structural lens allows us to move through the world. They define things and they define us. 

One way to uncover some of your structural lenses is to finish this sentence 50 times as fast as you can, "I am the kind of person who _______." 

The problem is when our structural lens gets formed based on faulty information. For me, it was the subject of English. I formed a viewpoint in my structural lens that I was no good at it or anything related to the subject of English. That is why I had "no other option" but to cheat on the spelling test in the fifth grade. Even after the teacher placed my desk in the front of the room away from all the students, I still saw no other option and continued to cheat. 

Yes, I got caught. 

But I didn't really feel that bad. After all, I am bad at spelling and had already given up... concluding that I would never be good at spelling. 

It gets worse, in the 10th grade I was actually doing quite well in a English grammar class. Well, I was doing well until the FINAL. Somehow I forgot to put periods on the end of every single sentence in the punctuation section of the test pulling my grade for the course down to a 'D.'  The only 'D' I ever got. 

Are you thinking self-sabotage? Or maybe it was self-fulfilling prophecy? It was my structural lens or my "Way of Being." A mixture of my seeing, doing, and checking that made sure I was operating and performing to the appropriate standard. The standard that was set rigidly in my structural lens.  

In my next post I will talk about how I work with my coaching clients so they can start to get a sense of their "Way of Being."  The path to re-organize their structural lens and develop the capacity to 'BE' different. 

That is the root of making a sustainable change. Change your being and you will change your seeing, doing, and checking.

Photo by elginwx