“Am I willing to feel loved and loving all the time? And could I let love be easy for––always and in all ways?” Those are the questions that kick off Gay and Kathlyn Hendrick’s latest tome on conscious romance, Spirit-Centered Relationships; Experiencing Greater Love and Harmony Through the Power of Presencing––one in a raft of books that are starting to feel phoned in. But this seems to have some good nuggets. The first exercise in testing your capacity to tolerate unconditional love is called “Presencing Wonder” and it goes like this: first, search your mind for a worry about your relationship or lack thereof. Now, instead of saying, “I’m afraid we’ll never get past our power struggles,” sincerely ask yourself: “I wonder what we can do to end our power struggles.”

The authors say that with genuine wonder “unpleasant sensations will dissolve” and be replaced by a “fresh, positive feeling of wonder.” It’s a neat trick, a way of flipping your brain into positivity and out of the negative spirals that are so easy to slip into when relationships inevitably dredge our deepest fears, neuroses, and compulsions. There are two more methods in the book, Presencing Spirit, and Spirit-Centered Listening.

There are plenty of other options to consider during your Valentine’s Day relationship reevaluation moment. A few favorites—for both couples and those hoping to become a couple again some day:

1) If the Buddha Dated; A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl

Sprinkled liberally with quotes from people like Pema Chödrön and Rumi, this sweet handbook doles out calm, practical insight with a light touch. Kasl advises readers on the eight levels of bonding that allow us to ascend to true communion: physical/material, intellect; interests; values/lifestyles; creativity/passion, spirituality, and essence.

2) Conscious Loving; The Journey to Co-commitment by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks

This core book from the relationship power duo has lots of great suggestions about telling the “microscopic truth,” defining boundaries, and getting out of projections.

3) Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix

Many couples therapists swear by this classic. Originally published almost 20 years ago, it’s sold over a million copies. You work through and acknowledge childhood wounds and try to figure out why you were attracted to each other in the first place. The basic premise here is that our deepest wounds, seeking healing, draw us to the person most likely to challenge them––an agonizing process if done unconsciously, but extraordinarily liberating when approached with attention and love.